--- title: "Resistance in your meeting has more than one face" description: "Is someone being difficult in your meeting? First look at what resistance you are facing: not understanding, not wanting to, or not trusting. Each requires a different response." language: en source: https://coachsteff.live/en/drie-soorten-weerstand --- # Resistance in your meeting has more than one face You are in a meeting and at the first agenda item you already feel it. Someone crosses their arms. Another person asks the same question for the third time. And on the other side of the table there is mostly silence. You might recognise that. And then the reflex is to push harder, or to wrap up the point as quickly as possible. In a training course on facilitating meetings we arrived at that almost naturally. What do you actually do with people who show resistance? I said then that for every form of resistance there is a way to deal with it. You just need to know first which form you are facing. Copy the prompt at the bottom of this article. With it you prepare a meeting where you expect resistance. ## Four levels, and the first is good news I work with Rick Maurer's levels of resistance. He describes three, and I put a level zero in front of them myself. Those are the people who are on board. They are curious and eager to learn, and they want to learn something from what you bring. You do not have to do anything with them, except not forget them while you are busy with the rest. Level one sounds like: I do not understand it. That is an intellectual resistance, and you usually hear it in questions. Can you explain that again? What exactly do you mean by that? The appropriate reaction is actually just explaining, and possibly repeating. Sometimes you notice that someone is already partly on board. The door is then already slightly ajar, and with a good open question you can coach that person until they see it themselves. ## You bring in those who do not want something Level two sounds different: I do not want that. That is typically about a change that takes something away, like a bit of comfort, a right or time. That is an emotional resistance, and explaining helps little there. The better you explain it, the more clearly the other person actually knows why they do not want it. The verb here is involve. You let people co-decide on the approach, the way of working, the order. That is why working groups and stakeholder consultations exist. Sometimes someone asks if that one colleague really needs to be there. I would say yes, because otherwise they will cause much more trouble afterwards. I know an organisation that wanted more involvement from its employees. Their solution was a small software tool that conducts surveys with people using AI. So they wanted people to feel more heard, and they chose a tool that makes the conversation with those people redundant. I said then that that is not going to work. Whoever does not feel heard wants a dialogue with someone who listens. ## Frequently asked questions **What levels of resistance are there?** - Rick Maurer describes three levels: not understanding something, not wanting something and not trusting someone. Added to that is a level zero for the people who are on board. Each level requires a different reaction. **What do I do with someone who does not want a change?** - Involve that person in the decision about the approach. Explaining helps little with an emotional resistance. Whoever co-decides feels heard. **What if someone does not trust me as the meeting leader?** - Take a step back and look for someone whom both sides trust. They can mediate and check what it is actually about. After that you build further on what you share together. **Where do I practise with resistance in meetings?** - In the training course 'Facilitating: let people truly work together' you practise how to guide a group, even when there is resistance. You can find all dates at [Workshops & Events](https://coachsteff.live/agenda).