---
title: "Two sides of yourself, one in each hand"
description: "You do not solve an inner conflict by choosing. With the Visual Squash you look for what both sides of yourself actually want, and that often turns out to be the same thing."
language: en
source: https://coachsteff.live/en/twee-kanten-in-je-handen
---

# Two sides of yourself, one in each hand

A participant stood at the front with her hands open in front of her. In one hand she placed the part of herself that gives a great deal for her family. In the other, the part that wants to do everything itself and finds it hard to let go. I asked her to bring her hands slowly together. Halfway she stopped. Her arms tensed up, her fingers trembled. 'That clashes', she said.

That clashing is exactly where the exercise begins.

## Two sides working against each other

Everyone knows the feeling. A part of you wants rest, another part wants everything under control. A part wants to say yes to that new assignment, another part finally wants nothing for once. We call that doubt or procrastination, and we try to solve it by choosing. Today I will win against myself.

That rarely works for long. The side that loses does not disappear. It waits, and it comes back at the worst moment. In the workshop I sometimes call those two sides two little pirates, or two little fighters. As long as they keep pushing against each other on the same level, the conflict remains, no matter how hard you think.

The Visual Squash is a technique from NLP that tackles it differently. You do not choose. You go looking for what both sides actually want to do for you.